Hello America and the rest of the world.  Dwight Schrute here with another installment of Schrute-Space.

Thank you for your 53 responses to my blog.  That means 53 people have read what I have to say AT LEAST!  That is a LOT of people.  53 people couldn't fit into a car or even into a truck.  We have only 31 people at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Branch.  I have over 87 people in my immediate family however.  But most of them don't have the internet as they are farmers.  Mostly beet farmers or Amish.   The Amish don't use the internet.  Probably because of how slow dial-up is.

Many of you responded to how funny i was or how you wanted me to be your DJ.  Like this entry from a man named "snoopy".  I don't believe Snoopy is the actual cartoon character and I don't believe that it is Mr. Snoop Doggy Dog.  Snoopy says this:

quote   

"If you do decide to go forward with your DJ venture, please let me know. I am having a wedding reception for my 2 lesbian friends who are getting married this November and I would love to have you do the music. (They're all about Phil Collins & ICP—it would be the greatest party ever!) I should warn you that they aren't the hot, porn-star type lesbians, they're just regualar butch gals. But that should in no way theaten your masculinity.  I'll wait to hear from you before I book any other DJ."

unquote

Here is my response:    

"Snoopy.  I can't be your DJ.  First of all I sell paper and I'm only a DJ at the Dundies Awards.  I don't own my own equipment even.  I don't even really like music.  I do, however, like Lesbians.  I would like to come to their wedding and just watch.  Not participate.  Just watch.

"As most of you know, I live with my cousin Mose on a 40 acre working beet farm outside of Wilkes-Barre.  Funny story.  Yesterday Mose came in and he had the biggest beet you've ever seen.  It was the size of my head (which is the size of a giant beet!).  We laughed and laughed and laughed.

That is all,

Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute here with another entry on my web-log or "BLOG" entitled Schrute-Space.

I thought of something I wanted to say.

I don't 'hate' salmon.  I really, really, really 'DONT LIKE' salmon.

Just a clarification.  I recieved hundreds (literally TWO!) e-mails from people who actually like salmon and we're furious with me for insulting their stinky, pink, pukey fish.

If you like salmon so much why don't you go read the blog of one!  Not possible.  Salmon don't keep blogs.  They're too stupid.

Point made.

Also-  thanks for all your responses (47!) to my blog.  It seems I have the ear of the nation.

LISTEN UP, NATION!

We recently had a sexual harassment seminar at our office.  It seems that this was the result of some e-mail forwards.  Apparently, someone at Dunder-Mifflin forwarded around a short video segment of a horse having sex with a racoon.  Apparently, it was hysterically funny.  Apparently, it was the most funniest thing that had ever been forwarded and almost (ALMOST!) everyone laughed until they threw up except for one person (short and blonde) who thought it was racially offensive towards women.

So the corporate big-wigs came in with their tomahawks and made us get sexually sensitive toward each other again.

My opinion is this:  WHEN THE HORSE FALLS OVER INTO THAT TROUGH AND WATER SPLASHES ONTO THE RACOON'S LITTLE WHISKERS - THAT IS MOST HYSTERICAL THING EVER SINCE THE VIDEO WHERE THE MONKEY PUTS HIS FINGER IN HIS BUTTOCKS AND SNIFFS IT AND FALLS OUT OF THAT TREE.

Again.  America.  I really appreciate your responses to my blog.  But most of them don't make any sense.  And if you really want to help me out, buy some 50 sheet boxes of Ilford Galerie smooth heavyweight matte paper designed especially for ink-jet printers from DUNDER-MIFFLIN.  On sale now.

THAT IS ALL.

Dwight K. Schrute

Hello America.  Dwight Schrute here.  Assistant Regional Manager of
Dunder-Mifflin Paper Products.

This is my web log.  Or "blog".  I call it "Schrute-Space".  Because my
last name is "Schrute".  And it is a space.  For me to write in.

I am excited to have the BILLIONS of people who rely on the internet
every day (whether it be to look up weather and traffic, to research
academic papers and/or to download pornography) turn to SCHRUTE-SPACE
to get their daily fill of what Dwight has to say.

First Entry:

I hate Salmon.  It's so pink.  And it smells like fish.  Salmon sucks!  
I hate Salmon.  I hope they all die in those rivers.

Also:

We had our 5th annual "DUNDIE AWARDS" ceremony the other night.  
Michael did not see fit to bless me with an award but I did get my fill
of CHILI'S "Triple Plays" (they call it that, not because it has a
baseball theme, but because it has 3 (THREE!) components to it).  
Boneless buffalo wings, Southwestern Eggrolls and chicken crispers!!!  
Moist good food. NO SALMON!!!

Also:  I did the music/sound/technical/AV elements for the evening.  
People were blown out of their seats by how loud I was.  They we're
really impressed with my technique and rhythm.  Michael told me I could
do it again next year and that I could wear my camoflage.

I'm thinking about becoming a DJ.  DJ's always need a cool name.  I
could be DJ Dwight.  Or maybe DJ Schrute.  Or DJ  Dwight Schrute.  Or
DJ D.S.  Or DJ BJ.  But that's dirty.  So that's no good.  If I wanted
to work children's parties.

I would be a DJ that specialized in NON-DANCE MUSIC!!!  AD/DC.  Ratt.  
Phil Collins.  Insane Clown Posse.  Deep Purple.  Because not everyone
wants to dance.  And I would be their go-to guy.

America.  Thanks for reading Schrute-space.  I will be back with
another 'post' when I think of something that I want to say here.