I do not feel the need to constantly update you on the status of the Scranton Business Park. I'm not Facebook. However there are several changes being implemented around here, and I expect you all to be in accordance. (Meaning if you complain, you'll be placed on one of my enemy lists). I have decided to implement an austerity project; prepare for huge cutbacks.
As landlord I am eliminating all frivolous luxuries. So far I've diluted the hand soap, thinned the toilet paper, jailed the thermostat so only I have the key, and put motion censors on the lights (although Scranton's nickname is The Electric City, together we can triumph over costly voltage extravagance). I'm not stopping there. You can look forward to a sewage fee for paper flush, the parking lot will be converted to a rooster farm, the elevator doors will be opening and closing faster, the new trash collection agency will come monthly (at which time a man in a horse-drawn carriage will yell out, "Refuse, refuse! Bring out your refuse"), and I'm renting out the basement as a halfway house.
I refuse to do what so many in power are doing and blame these cut backs on the economy; I assure you these sacrifices are strictly greed based. Go ahead and call me a "Slum Lord," I take it as a compliment - after all, "Lord" is in the title.